The Modesty Ablaze Diaries of a London Hotwife
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With every thrust my lover was sending me further into my cocoon, my own world of warmth and explosion. I was vaguely aware of the occasional flashing of a camera, my husbands camera, and above my gasps and moans, and the rising grunts of my young lover thrusting above me, I could hear the clicks of the lens!!
As I felt the orgasm rising within me, memories of the past two decades started flashing through my mind. Reflections of the first times, the first lovers, the first steps that had started me on this wonderous, exciting, intoxicating . . . and yes, addictive . . . journey.
My screams as the waves of my climax burst over me and the gasps of my lover into my ear as he collapsed into my shoulder, brought me back to the present with an engulfing rush.
We twisted and squeezed together and rolled over onto our sides, shuddering apart and then cuddling together again in a warm and wet embrace. Wet with our tongues and wet between my legs and on my tummy as I felt the stickiness of his condom rubbing against me. His hands caressed my shoulder as I scratched my nails gently down his back and delighted in his purring moans in my ear.
Hubby leant over us to kiss my cheek and stroke his fingers through my hair. “Incredible, just beautiful” he whispered to the both of us.
I opened my eyes to see the same glints of recognition and remembering that I knew must be sparkling back at him in my own.
J was my first real boyfriend, and I his first real love. Our relationship had begun just as everyone else’s would have begun. Drinks, cinema, clubs, concerts . . . walks in the park, kisses in the car. I was still living at home with my parents, he had his own flat and soon our evenings-out became, more often than not, evenings-in.
Our first holiday away together was a spiralling adventure of discovery of sun, sea, lust . . . and love! Just everything I’d ever dreamed two weeks in the Greek Islands would be!!!
Within weeks of our return I’d moved in (much to my parents disgust) . . . and our romance, and love, grew and grew.
We were married in two years. The wonderful white wedding of a girls dreams.
And for the next few years with new jobs and a new home, we were everything I’d always imagined a happy married couple would be.
Then J decided to start his own business and long working days, turned into longer and longer hours apart. Seven day weeks, no weekends and short, exhausted nights cuddling together. And though our love for each other was never in question, and I never ever imagined I would get involved in an extra-marital affair . . . it still happened!!!
Un-expected, un-planned . . . something I just never thought I (of all people) would, or could, ever do. But without really knowing how . . . it happened!!!
Lunchtime coffees with a work colleague, turned into evening meals, turned into . . . an invitation to his apartment.
Someone else found me attractive! Wanted me! Aroused me! Excited me! I just couldn't help myself . . . even the complete feelings of guilt and shame in the aftermath, couldn't stop me. I enjoyed it . . . and yes, I wanted it, I needed it.
J insisted he knew right from the start . . . but for several months said nothing. Our sex together (after my “meetings”) was passionate and even more fulfilling than ever. And with pangs of guilt the next morning, I would tell myself that I would stop the affair, that I didn't need it, that it was wrong, shameful and immoral.
But I couldn't stop, I just couldn't say no. Despite myself, despite my love for my husband, I just couldn't refuse my lover’s advances, I couldn't deny him and I couldn’t deny myself . . . just as I couldn't deny it the day J confronted me with “when are you going to tell me about your affair?”
I thought it would shatter our world and would be the end of our marriage. I thought there would be an explosive argument, floods of tears and abuse.
But INSTEAD J told me he LOVED it . . . he LOVED the fact that I could experience the excitement and thrills of sexual adventure and pleasure with another man and still come home and (finally) share it with him.
That day changed our lives . . . and, I honestly believe, made us each better people . . . and it made our relationship EVEN stronger and more loving and more fulfilling than either of us could ever have imagined.
That day was over 35 years ago!!! The different months and years (and yes now, lots of different lovers) has been a wonderful and incredible adventure . . .
Our personal life has exploded from a wonderfully liberated, but monogamous, marriage . . . into an amazing journey of occasional lovers and, most recently, to experiencing a full “swinging” lifestyle.
“The Modesty Diaries” began as my own secret release. Typing out brief accounts of my affairs seemed in some way to exorcise the guilt as I poured out my anger at myself and my actions into the end of every diary entry. Then . . . after my admission and confession to J . . . they grew into extended accounts which I printed out for him to read and relive my adventures after the event.
At first, I couldn’t bear to sit with him whilst he read through the sheets of paper. I was so worried I would see anger, or disgust, or betrayal in his face. But our lovemaking immediately afterwards was so incredibly passionate and consuming that it was obvious that his enjoyment and arousal, and wild expressions of love, were real and complete.
We began reading my notes together . . . still on the paper print-outs initially, and then as the years went by, on our laptop sitting side-by-side in bed. The computer was soon tossed to one side as we embraced into one another across the bed . . . or onto the floor . . . or onto the dressing table, scattering my make-up and jewellery aside in our wild passion.
The discovery of just how exciting we enjoyed our new-found sharing led to J suggesting I should publish my diary on-line to tell other people how wonderful, and fulfilling, and rewarding, such an “open relationship” as our own could be.
At first I thought he was joking . . . but then found myself getting excited by the thought that other people might, just might, find our story interesting and exciting and erotic.
So, in early 2012, I uploaded my first post to www.modestyablaze.com and was completely flabbergasted to suddenly start receiving emails and messages within just days of that first post.
Of course I loved the flattery of receiving such complimentary messages . . . but it also felt so wonderful, and rewarding, to receive so many messages from, both men and women, asking me for advice OR telling me that my postings were actually helping in their own relationships. THAT was so warming and invigorating that it just made me feel so much more at-ease with our chosen lifestyle and the excitement and passion, AND love that Hubby and I were experiencing . . . and, now, actually sharing with thousands of people on-line. (I couldn’t believe that within just a few months my on-line diary had received over 3,000 visits).
As well as the messages seeking advice, or telling me how my experiences were helping inspire and motivate other people to open-up and share their desires more with their own partners, I also began receiving more and more emails that I should publish my diary posts as Ebooks.
At that point I wasn’t even aware of what Ebook publishing, and Kindles and Kobo Readers and the like were all about. But as similar emails kept appearing in my in-box, I decided it might be fun . . . and exciting to try . . . and so, “The Modesty Ablaze Diaries” were born.
After that tearful and emotional first confession, and the wondrous discovery that I actually loved the feelings of freedom and sharing that J was encouraging me to experience, a hitherto unknown self-confidence and delight at my own body and personality seemed to just explode from within. I felt a strength and self-belief that I’d never felt before. Suddenly I loved the wolf-whistles I’d receive on the street as I strode past those building sites. I’d smile back at those smirking glances from across the aisle on the tube. I’d giggle and teasingly, suggestively, answer back to flirtatious comments from clients and work colleagues.
Within just a few months two new names had been added to my diary pages . . . and it could so easily have been many, many more . . . I wanted to be and needed to be “choosey”. I had to feel attracted to, and at ease with, people. And I still had to overcome those still frequent feelings of guilt and worry and trust, about the personal circumstances of others.
And so . . . over the next decade . . . my Lovers-List (as J had dubbed my diaries) grew by only four more new names.
I always made it plain right from the outset, that my husband would know about, and approve, of every detail of our meetings. And incredibly, almost all of them remain friends I still meet with on a regular basis today. And two of them have become comfortable enough to meet with J and indulge with us in more than just “platonic-friendship”.
And it was those wonderful three-some evenings that encouraged J to suggest we begin visiting Swingers Events. At first I just laughed-off his pleas as silly and frivolous comments made in the immediate aftermath of fun and excitingly indulgent sessions . . . but he became more and more insistent, and I became more and more curious and more and more intrigued.
And so . . . our journey took yet another twist and another exciting turn. It took several visits before I became comfortable, and confident enough, to follow the lead of most of the other women present and realise that I actually loved being able to dress in the sort of revealing, and sexual outfits, that I’d previously only worn in my wildest (and most exciting) dreams. And, of course, J just loved seeing me “strut my stuff in public” in the sort of outfits that I’d only worn for him in the privacy of our own bedroom.
It still took even more visits before I became even more comfortable enough . . . and lucky enough to meet the right young man . . . to suddenly experience just how amazingly exciting and satisfying it can be to just experience a moment of spontaneous lust and passion to . . .
And so . . . suddenly, that Lovers-List has grown to over 80 names!!!
And do I still feel those moments of extreme excitement and love with J as I first did, all those years ago when we first started on this journey of ours???
Oh YES . . . I most certainly do. YES, YES, YES !!!!!
The first few entries in my original journal are too personal, and too specific, for me to share here, but the following entries throughout my “Modesty Ablaze Diaries” are excerpts from just some of those initial early meetings and adventures. I hope they will entertain, excite, and also perhaps, instill some inspiration and motivation from the words, to begin some special journeys of your own.
Read more of this story, and others from *The Modesty Ablaze Diaries*, at my Ebooks page at: https://modestyablaze.com/ebooks/