The Tree of Sexy Good Times
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In the fertile land the Lord God grew every beautiful tree with edible fruit, and He grew the Tree of Life in the middle of the garden and the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil.
— Genesis 2:9
Shortly after the Lord God took one of Adam’s ribs and made Eve, the two were exploring the Beer Garden of Eden and came across a beaded curtain. They pushed the strands aside and discovered a lesser-known tree that God had made; the Tree of Sexy Good Times.
In the tree was a trouser snake, the most perverted of all God’s creatures. He was twisted around his mate. The display intrigued Adam and Eve, so they asked, “What are you two doing?”
“We’re becoming one flesh,” the trouser snake said. “You should try it.”
Adam and Eve looked nervously at one another. “God just separated the woman from my rib. Wouldn’t becoming one again offend Him?”
“Not at all,” the snake hissed in his most soothing tone. “You should partake of the fruit of the Tree of Sexy Good Times.”
Cold bottles of hard apple cider grew on the branches in clusters of six.
Adam pulled down two and bit down on the glass, and almost chipped a tooth.
“They’re twist tops,” the trouser snake said.
Once they popped the caps, they drank.
“The bubbles tickle my nose.” Eve giggled.
The fruit of the Tree of Sexy Good Times made them feel silly. They began to notice one another in ways they hadn’t been aware of before. Eve stroked Adam’s toned bicep and licked her lips. Adam’s mouth watered as his eyes traced over her curves. They brought their lips together for their first kiss.
“I think we just became one flesh,” Adam said, pleased with himself.
“Why don’t you hug to celebrate?” the trouser snake proposed.
Adam and Eve wrapped their arms around each other. Eve felt something poke her in the stomach. “What was that?”
Adam looked down at his erect penis. “Well, it’s never done that before.”
“Try hugging her a little lower,” the trouser snake hissed in Adam’s ear.
Adam followed the snake’s instruction. He tried to slide inside Eve, but her tightness only made them feel more separate. Maybe they weren't meant to be joined as one. They had another drink and began to relax. He slid inside her, and she surrounded him. It was a pleasure neither of them could find without the other. Connected, deep, complete; one flesh.
“Oh, I get it,” Adam said.
The next morning while everyone was passed out, God picked up the empties and muttered, “Let there be hangovers.”
This flash fiction, along with 68 others, can be found in "Thong of Thongs: 69 Sexy Jewish Stories" by Kitty Knish, available at Amazon, Apple Books, Barns & Noble, Kobo, and Smashwords.
Or click on the "Deep Desires Press" banner for more!
Thong of Thongs blurb:
Thong of Thongs is the lovely Kitty Knish's debut collection of 69 sexy Jewish stories, showcasing Jewish humor at its finest. Equal parts kosher and dirty, romantic and raunchy fun.
Adam, Eve and the trouser snake; streaking at a kibbutz; Freud’s introduction to submission; these are only a few of the hilariously scandalous tales found inside. Laugh your tuckus off as the Chosen People enjoy their bondage with a side of bagels and lox.
*WARNING*: While there is something in this collection for everyone, not every story is for everyone, so please approach this book with an open mind before you unzip your pants. No kvetching here, you’ve been warned!